A problem shared
by scorsby
Summary: James's idea for Lily's birthday surprise goes badly, terribly wrong. Never EVER take Sirius's advice about girls. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Written statement on excel evaluation A problem shared…

"Sirius, you know…girls, right?"

Sirius swings around on the swivel chair he is occupying. This sounds like an intriguing question.

"Know of them." He grins at James, who shoves his hands in his pockets and blushes.

"What is it you want?"

Sirius is curious. He loves nothing more than teasing James about girl trouble. _Nothing_. Is James going to submit himself to Sirius's wrath voluntarily? It is almost not worth hoping for.

He slides the novel he's reading under the desk and eyes James, standing in the doorway, looking uncomfortable.

"Well, just…" James shrugs and sits down on his bed, about a metre away from Sirius. Sirius looks straight at him.

"What?" He says it harshly, trying to kick start James into action. "Come on lad, spit it out!"

They both laugh at his army interrogator voice.

James looks up at Sirius.

"I- I need your help." He looks down, shamefacedly, as if admitting to a terrible weakness. Which, in some ways, it is. Asking Sirius for help, you know you've reached rock bottom.

"I'm intrigued." Sirius knows he has to step carefully, when uncomfortable, James tends gets a bit free with his wand. Sirius's mind flashes back to the bat bogey hex incident and he shudders involuntarily. Never again.

"Well it's… Lily's…" Sirius could have guessed it'd be something to do with her. "…birthday."

"And?" Sirius prompts, "are you invited?"

"No." James shakes his head mournfully and Sirius has to fight the urge to laugh. Did he actually expect an invite?

"So what do you want help with?" Sirius perks up, "shall we gatecrash?"

"No!" James is frustrated. Why does Padfoot have to make a joke out of everything? He knew he should have gone to Moony. But that would have involved a letter and Sirius might have found it. Eurgh. He imagines the stick he would get for that.

"No I want you to help me…" James intakes a deep breath and says the rest of the words in a rush, "buyherapresent."

"Be, who, a whatnow?" Sirius asks, a gleam in his eye. In actual fact he knows exactly what James said, he just wants to hear him say it again. Torturing his friends is the only amusement he has in his otherwise dreary life.

"I want you to help me buy-her-a-present." James says, annunciating each word careful, staring out the window, furiously.

"Me?" Sirius is actually quite surprised. He would have thought he'd be the last person Prongs would ask for that sort of thing. He's touched.

"Yes."

"But…why not Moony?" He is genuinely bemused.

"Becauuusse…" James drags the word out, as if talking to the very deaf or the very stupid, "He is at his little home upcountry for Easter, her birthday is the day after tomorrow and you are available."

Sirius scowls. For a second there he thought James might actually like him. Well, those hopes were dashed on the rocks…

"Alright." Despite that, he is quite excited. He has never shopped for a girl before- apart from his disgusting cousins- and is eager for the challenge. Besides, Hogsmead will be nice in spring!

"Fine, tomorrow?" James half wishes he hadn't asked Sirius for assistance, he is wary of the glint in Sirius's eye.

"Tomorrow, great. I'll see you by the clock." Sirius turns back to his book, and James, recognising that he is being dismissed, backs out the room and shuts the door.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"How about this!" Sirius holds up a jewel encrusted box. James looks at it with interest.

"Not bad, how much?"

"Dunno, but look at this!" Sirius flips up the lid and the room is filled with opera singing.

"Turn it off!" James howls, hands over his ears. Sirius shuts the lid, laughing at James's expression. His laughter stops suddenly as he sees who is behind James.

"_Miss Blossoms boutique and jewell_ers. Didn't think this would be your sort of place." Says Lily coolly, removing her hands from her ears. The posse of giggling girls, she always seems to have with her, giggle.

"Oh well…er, I Just-" James blusters, his hand jumping to the back of his hair. Sirius groans and steps in, subtly.

"Would you girls like to come with me? I'll take you for a drink, my treat." He says smoothly, putting his arms round two of Lily's entourage. They- would you have guessed it- giggle, and agree to go with him.

As he leaves the shop Sirius gives James a large wink and a look which means, "_Your _treat."

James groans. He can't afford to pay for ten girls alcohol requirements- which he's sure are huge- on top of Lily's present. Speaking of which…

"They certainly seemed eager to leave us alone." Lily observes, fiddling disinterestedly with a flashing tiara, from which echoes the words, "I love you…" on a loop. Sort of like James's own brain, James thinks pensively.

"Yeah, well…" James shrugs. He wonders how he can slip his latest Quidditch victory into the conversation subtly.

"I wonder…" Lily turns to him, her lips parted slightly. James stares at them, transfixed. "Do you think that they know something that we don't?"

"I-" James tries desperately to stop staring at her lips, "I don't know what you mean."

"No…" She muses, "I daresay you don't." She puts the tiara down and turns to face him.

"James?" He wonders, with excitement, what she could be asking. For a date? A kiss? A lifetime together?

"Yes?" His voice is barely above a whisper.

"Is…" She pauses and looks down, embarrassed. It must be something personal, thinks James with glee.

"Is…Sirius single?"

Huh?

"W-what?" James splutters. She can't be attracted to Sirius of all people? Sirius who has made every sexist, degrading comment about her _possible_, who has teased and tormented James for liking her, who has listed her faults in great detail when James is low? That same Sirius?

"Oh, not for me." Lily says quickly, blushing slightly.

"Oh, well…not that I'm bothered. I- I don't know.". It seems a rather pathetic thing to say. Why doesn't he know? Why is Sirius's love life so much more or a mystery than his? He is sure Lily can list the dating history of every girl in Gryffendor. The thought brings a redness to James's cheeks. He has the overwhelming urge to take his glasses off and clean them- they're becoming rather steamed up- but resists it.

"No…" Lily laughs slightly, as if she could read his mind, and her eyes twinkle brightly, "Anyway," she continues, "the reason I'm asking is that, you know my friend Skye?"

James doesn't but he can assume she was somewhere, giggling.

"Yeah?"

"Well, she totally rates Sirius."

Rates? What does _rates_ mean?

"Oh, right?"

Lily ploughs on, looking deeply like she'd rather be somewhere, anywhere, else. The worst thing is, James realises that she only spoke to him because of her friend, not from any real desire.

"So," lily continues, "she wants to know if he like…rates her?"

"Well…" James isn't really sure how to answer this. Sirius likes pretty much anything with legs and a half decent tan. He supposes he will be perfectly interested with dating one of Lily's friends. But James is worried for himself. Sirius is not exactly the most commitment prone fellow and James would hate to see his- fragile though it may be- relationship with Lily ruined because Sirius breaks up with one of her friends. But then again, agreeing to the plan will make Lily happy. And making Lily happy is one of the things James has strived to do almost all his life. Well, since third year. He will have to risk it. Not for himself, or for Sirius- but for Lily.

"Sure, I'm sure he's interested." He's sure she must be unaware of the internal battle that went on inside his brain. It's probably better that way.

"Well, if you could check with him, that would be great." Lily looks at him earnestly, her big green eyes glittering mesmerising. James promptly forgets everything he's ever thought, felt or heard.

"Absolutely, sure, sure." James stammers.

Lily smiles and touches him on the arm.

"Thank you James, I really appreciate it." She lets go of his arm and turns to walk out of the shop. James watches for a moment before shaking himself alert. Just as she reaches the doorway, he calls out,

"hey Lily!"

She turns to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"Have a happy birthday!"

She smiles at him, a genuine smile that makes his knees go weak, before swinging out the shop, with a little jingle. James stands there, alone in the midst of all the females, staring straight at the door, for several minutes.

Lily likes him! Lily touched him! He and Lily had a conversation! He replays the whole thing back in his head over and over until, finally, Padfoot comes to shake him out of his reverie.

"James? _James_, you okay?"

James turns to look at him. Sirius looks pleased with himself. I suppose who wouldn't, thinks James reflectively, he has just spent half an hour in a bar with lots of- giggling- girls.

"What happened then? A la Lily?" Sirius asks as they move to walk out the store. James shrugs, shoving his hands deep in his pockets.

"Nothin' much."

"Come on! You were in there for a while, what did you talk about?"

"I don't want to talk about it okay?"

James feels bad about blocking Sirius out but he really_, really_ wants to preserve this memory as it is, without any of Sirius's jokes or innuendoes or- "that _must_ mean she wants to have sex with you!". It was a precious moment and he wants it to remain the same for ever.

They're nearly at the castle before James turns to Sirius.

"Bye the way," He says conversationally, "What do you think of Skye?"

"Skye who?" Sirius asks, looking at James.

James hasn't the faintest idea.

"I- I can't remember."

"Well, what's she look like?"

"She's…" Damn. James wishes he'd paid more attention earlier. "Blonde?" He's sure at least seventy percent of the clique had been blond. The odds were on his side.

Sirius considers this. His last girlfriend had been a brunette. Maybe he should play the field, colour-wise.

"What about her?"

"She really rates you." James pulls a face, as if to say, Beats-me-why! Sirius bites his lip in confusion.

"What the fuck does "_rates_" mean?"

James sighs. Sirius is so eloquent.

"I haven't the faintest idea."

"Oh."

"yeah."

They continue in silence once more.

"You think I should ask her out?" Sirius wonders.

"I think that, yeah."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Bye the way, James?"

"yeah?"

"What did you get Lily for her birthday?"

"Fuck!"

This was kinda crap, but I was bored. Hope you like- even if you don't, it was fun to write. Just while I search for inspiration for my other stories. Please R & R. Thanks, Zellahxx


	2. Chapter 2

Written statement on excel evaluation

A/NOkay this story was meant to be a one shot but several people wanted me to carry on so…….I hope they like this!

"This was sooo not a good idea." James groans, flattening himself against the cold window as a girl with what looks suspiciously like a live hinkypunk in he arms, runs by-squealing. She doesn't spot him; covered over by the thick velvet curtains as he is, and he relaxes again, breathing out.

"Oh shut it. She'll be dead pleased when she finds out you're here- just wait!" Sirius stage whispers to him from the suit of armour behind which he is concealed.

James can't believe Sirius has managed to cajole him into going on another one of his hair-brained schemes. It's alright for Sirius, he hasn't anything to lose…

"Here she comes now!"

James cranes his head round the curtain to see where Sirius is pointing. He clutches the wrapped present tighter, ready to spring out and surprise her, as the plan goes. He spots a flash of red and a high pitched giggle and closes his eyes, sending a quick prayer to whichever gods may be listening.

The footsteps come closer and Sirius crouches, ready to spring, behind the suit of armour. James counts to ten slowly, under his breath. He is having difficulty breathing. He wipes a hand across his forehead, his head spinning. Just a few more…

CRASH!

James looks to the side to see Sirius crash landing on the tiled floor accompanied by various pieces of armour and- curiously- with his face covered by a decorated helmet.

"What the-?" Lily exclaims, jumping out the way. She looks in alarm at the body on the floor, her shocked expression turning to one of anger as she registers who it is.

"James Potter! I know you're here somewhere! GET. OUT. NOW."

James climbs out from behind the curtain, glaring at Sirius's- hopefully badly damaged- body on the floor. He appears to be stirring- pity…

His face is so bright red he can feel it burning. He can't meet Lily's eyes.

"WHAT do you think you are _doing_ gate crashing MY party?" She says the words very slowly, her eyes levelled on James's, both of them ignoring Sirius on the floor and the girls standing around giggling.

"I just…wanted to…" James's voice trails off and he looks away.

"Wanted to what?" Lily's voice is crisp, icy. "Wanted to wish me happy birthday? How very sweet of you James but I'm afraid you weren't on the invite list and I think you know why!"

"_Look_!" Shouted James, exasperated and upset. He can't believe Sirius has messed this up for him too. He notices out of the corner of his eye, Sirius sitting up and removing his helmet- to the pleasure of lily's giggling associates.

James hates how Sirius has so much sex appeal. All he has was Quidditch. And that isn't too useful when trying to date a girl.

"Are _you_ shouting at _me_?" Lily's incredulous expression sends James's hands straight to his hair. She crosses her arms across her chest and eyes him dangerously.

"No." James says humbly, looking at the floor."

"Well then what?" Lily is impatient to get back to her party and put this behind her. She has no time for Potters irritating attempts to show her up.

"I just wanted to…" James gulps, "- to give you…this." He holds out the small wrapped package and reddens as all the girls coo "Awwww."

Lily's face softens as she accepts the gift.

"Well…thanks." She says. She feels a bit bad now but still! His manner of entrance was hardly gentlemanly.

"Soooo." Sirius jumps to his feet and puts his arm round Lily. "Since you seem to _appreciate_ this gesture of friendship, might you allow us entrance to your- may I say- woefully in need of livening, part-ay?"

Lily smiles and wriggles out from under his arm. Lucky thing too- thinks James, or he would have to have intervened.

"Nice try Black. But no thanks, we don't need _your_ kind of entertainment."

The girls behind her let out an audible sigh of disappointment. Sirius grins at them, turning his attention away from Lily, who turns to James- exasperated.

James shrugs with a what-can-you-do? Expression. He is staying well out of this. He's already in the dog house- he has no desire to increase his stay with misguided attempts of loyalty towards Sirius, who seems less than inclined to be loyal towards James.

"So laydeez." Sirius drawls, putting his arm round two of the girls, who blush and giggle. "_You _want me to stay- don't you?"

"Spare me." Lily says under her breath. The girls giggle and nod in agreement.

Sirius sends a thumbs up towards James and winks at Lily.

"Seems the vote's against you Evans."

Lily sighs. How easily her fellow students are overcome. But still, it _might_ be sort of fun…

"Oh alright." She sighs, pretending to be deeply incensed. James beams with poorly disguised delight and he and Sirius high five. Lily raises her eyebrow and James blushes again and smiles at her bashfully.

Sirius turns to the gaggle of girls with a critical eye.

"Alright then. Which of you lovely girls is Skye?"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James sits in the corner, wedged between a bookshelf stuffed with books on dromedaries and a large, grinning clock. He sips his punch nervously, his eyes darting around. The main part of the plan was figuring out _getting_ here. Well, now he's here he isn't really sure what to do.

Dancing is going on in the next room. He spots Sirius and a dark haired girl (damn he had said she was blonde!) dancing very closely, Sirius's hands darting around her gyrating hips. James sighs. Why is it so easy for some?

A tiny third year walks up to him, her eyebrow raised in what James can only assume is an alluring and sexy manner. He has been out of the scope so long even a handshake might be interpreted as a sign.

He looks bleakly at the third year and shakes his head. She pouts and is instantly swept away by a boy several years older than himself.

Is this what his life is to be like from now on? James wonders self-pityingly, babysitting sexually active five year olds?

How very pitiful.

"well this _is_ disappointing. You break into my party, then don't' even _pretend_ to be enjoying it." James looks up to see Lily standing next to him, sipping a glass of bubbly green stuff and smiling, her eyes wide.

"I-"

He hasn't time to finish before Lily pulls him to his feet and drags him into the dancing room. It is only when she leans in very close to him that he realises that Lily is very, most definitely, drunk.

Oh.

James wonders what the next course of action should be. If he was a decent respectable sort of fellow he would remove her arms from where they were wound around his neck and escort her to her bedroom, where he would shut the door before returning to his own bedroom where he would sip champagne and watch nature programmes. But then again…

He watches as Sirius drags Skye into an armchair and starts kissing her ferociously.

Screw it. He is just- if not more, due to endurance without- as hormonal and aroused as Sirius. He deserves this. He _needs _this.

James, very determinedly, pulls Lily's body closer to his own. He moves his hands down her slim torso to hover around her waist. She moans softly and turns to face him. His eyes lock into hers- like that stuff she was drinking earlier they sparkle and shine, seem to drag James into their depths. He leans in closer inhaling her scent. Her hands grip his hair as slowly, carefully their lips touch…

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James sits up, wincing. He has a splitting headache and an unexplainable pain under his leg. He puts his hands out to find his glasses and jumps. He felt something. Something which is most definitely not his glasses. He quickly pulls them out from under where he is lying on them (explaining the pain in his leg) and puts them on.

"Oh hell." James whispers softly.

There next to him, on a bed that is most definitely not his own, is Lily Evans.

What do you think? Should it continue? Or just stay like this. Let me know.

Zellahxx


	3. Chapter 3

Written statement on excel evaluation

Hi! I'm sure you're all thinking that I'd died or something- I haven't updated in so long. I just had no inspiration for any of my stories. Hope you like this chapter- I wasn't sure about it but you wanted me to continue so… it's your fault if its not too good!

**Zellahxx**

James stares blankly at the motionless figure next to him. He can not believe what has happened. He can't _remember_ what has happened. His head hurts.

All he knows is that in a short amount of time he is going to be locked- he glances over at the door and sure enough the latch is magically shut- in a room naked- yep, he checked that too- with a VERY hungover and furious Lily Evans.

Fuck.

Fuck fuckity fuckfuck. James repeats it in his head like a mantra. He scratches his ear absentmindedly then freezes as Lily, disturbed by his movement, turns over and moans quietly. He holds his breath for about a minute until he is certain she is not going to wake. Then he relaxes. What in the name of merlin's fork collection is he going to do now?

As he is thinking this through another- more urgent- need becomes apparent. He looks at the floor next to the bed and sees several empty bottles. Oh. _Ohhh_.

He curses himself internally and looks at Lily again. She seems pretty deeply asleep…

Carefully he starts to lift the duvet off himself in order to climb out of the bed. Uh oh. He pulls it back into place quickly, his cheeks flaming. Maybe he needs to think this through a bit better.

He spots a piece of denim on the floor and reaches for it- being careful to keep himself covered up. Jeans, excellent!

He wriggles into them silently and attempts to fasten them around his waist. They seem a bit tight- funny, he must have eaten a lot too.

He gives up on fastening the button and just zips them up as best he can. Satisfied with his handiwork he stands up next to the bed, wobbling slightly. His head throbs and he winces.

He looks down at the bed again. Lily is lying on he front, he red hair covering most of her- bare- back. He frantically tries to remember _something_ of the previous night, but fails miserably.

Possible his last night alive and he can't even remember it- bloody typical.

Turning away from the bed James spots an open doorway. He darts towards it hopefully. Yes! Sure enough, inside there is a sink, shower and- most importantly- toilet.

Blimey, he marvels enviously. The girls dormitories were much swankier than the boys! Double beds, en suite…

He shakes his head and enters the little room, shutting the door carefully behind him.

He tends to his needs quickly and hopefully silently. He has no chance of escaping with a flush- the Hogwarts plumbing is famous for being notoriously loud- so he reluctantly uses a drying charm. It works- sort of- leaving only a lingering smell of solder.

He peers into the overhead cupboard, to look for some air freshener. On the way he happens to catch sight of himself in the mirror.

Holy crow, he looks like a man who's been buried alive. His eyes are red and blotchy, his face is deathly pale, his hair is slick and sticking upright and his mouth is smeared with what could be red lipstick, wine or any number of unpleasant things.

Oh dear.

He dips his face into the sink and splashes it with cold water. All this achieves is for the mess on his lips to be spread in a thin layer all over his face and down his chest.

Hi grabs at one of the towels hanging up nearby and scrubs at himself furiously. His skin clears mostly, just leaving him pale pink in places. He looks at the towel. Oh no. It has big smears of red on its fluffy white surface. He sticks it under the tap and reaches in the cupboard for some washing liquid. He finds some shampoo and sniffs it. It smells alright so he empties the bottle into the sink as well.

He rubs it in furiously with both his hands, splattering his jeans and glasses with soapy suds. He turns the tap back on and rinses off the shampoo. It seems to go out alright and he feels quite triumphant. The red seems to have disappeared too. He holds it up to the light. There's something not quite right…

He picks up another towel to compare, not noticing the reddish marks he's leaving on it. His mouth opens in a look of dismay. Compared to this one, his towel looks beige! He picks up the empty shampoo bottle furiously and studies it. "Auburn colour tinted shampoo for red heads" It reads.

Holy shit. He drops the bottle in the bin under the sink, shoves the other towel back on the rack and looks in dismay at the one in his hands. Maybe the best thing to do would be to hide it…

He looks around for a suitable hiding space. The only possible location is behind the toilet and he hopes that the house elves will take it away before she has time to notice. He can swap it for one of his later.

Who has white towels anyway?

Maybe she'll be pleased he added a bit of colour to her white bathroom. Maybe…

From the other room he hears another moan. He peers round the door to see Lily stretching and yawning. She looks around herself, her back to him, probably confused, like he was.

In horror he shuts the bathroom door, looking desperately for somewhere to hide. There is actually nowhere. He stands behind the door, praying that she'll be too hung over to notice anything like the red stain on the white sink, or the soap suds on the floor or the smear across the mirror, not to mention the solder smell he had forgotten to remedy. He hopes valiantly, yet pointlessly.

This is _Lily_- when has good luck ever been on his side?

He hears her climb out of the bed and pad softly towards the bathroom. He cringes back in horror, flattening himself against the wall as the door is pushed open, into him.

Lily walks over to the shower and steps in, pulling the curtain around her. James breathes a sigh of relief. She hadn't seen him. And also- he saw her naked! Soberly!

He fights down the euphoria that's threatening to erupt in the form of a victory dance, and plans his next move.

The shower curtain is opaque, though white of course, so he is able to sneak into the bedroom quite easily. He runs straight to the door and tries it, but it is ,of course, locked. He whips out his wand and _alohomora_s it, but to no avail. Cursing he searches the floor for his mirror, before finding it under the bed.

He picks it up, dusting some sort of sticky goo off the surface and says into it:

"Sirius."

It clouds up and a minute later Sirius's face appears, looking sleepy and mildly irritated.

"Er James, not really the best time." He turns his head to the side, looking at someone James cant see and smiles.

James clenches his teeth in irritation.

"I don't give a damn Sirius! I need help!"

Sirius rolls his eyes and talks to the person James can't see.

"Yeah I'm real sorry about this…I know…some knob needs me…yeah….okay sugarbell…see you."

He turns back to James, who is fuming slightly at Sirius's reference to him.

"Well? I do hope this good cos I just sent away the opportunity of getting' some-"

"Sirius." James says through his teeth, "I don't CARE! I am in such big trouble, I-"

"Okay, okay. Tell me." Despite his "missed opportunity" Sirius looks at James with interest. He _does_ look peculiar, smeared all over with that pink stuff. And his _hair_! Sirius shakes his head, thanking the gods once again that he is so much better looking than his friend.

James quickly relates to Sirius the problem. When he's finished Sirius looks at him with anxiety and some hilarity. Only James could get into a mess this bad!

"You are soooooooo gunna-"

"Yes Sirius." James snaps impatiently, "I am aware of exactly what will befall me if I am caught. But let me just remind you who's idea it was to gatecrash, who persuaded them to let us go to the party and also…"He paused for a moment to think of another example, "…who set you up with Skye."

Sirius pauses thoughtfully.

"true, very true." He murmurs "Okay well…I'm guessing you haven't got much time, from what you've told me so far. Also, there is way too much evidence of you around so you need to gather that up…"

James nods quickly, casting his eyes around locating anything that might be linked back to him.

"The main exit is unapproachable soooooooooo" Sirius grins, "See any big windows?"

James blanches. There is no way he's going to climb all the way down the side of the castle. No way at all. Especially shirtless… He shivers and shakes his head.

"No way Sirius. Any other ideas?"

"Not really, wait a sec, I hear footsteps. Just gunna go answer the door…"

His face disappears for a second, only to reappear a moment later looking confused.

"Hmmm, no one there my end, maybe…?"

James is suddenly very aware that the sound of the shower has stopped. He is surrounded by a sort of eerie silence.

"Sirius," he mumbles, "Sirius, I think you better go now."

"What?" Sirius is indignant, "I don't see wh-"

With a wave of his wand James clears the screen, leaving himself staring at his own reflection.

He turns towards the bathroom door in horror as in slow motion the handle begins to turn….

In a James Bond style roll, James lurches to action, flinging himself under Lily's bed. However as he does so, his glasses, already loose from dampness, slide off his nose and clatter to a stop directly at the feet of Lily Evans.

He is silent for a moment, sending a last prayer to the gods. He thanks them for his life which, though fraught with disappointment, will end at the hands of a beautiful, irate, girl.

She bends to pick them up. James, motionless under the bed watches as her slender fingers curve around the wire frames before vanishing out of sight.

He doesn't understand why the end has not come yet. Surely she must know who's they are?

He stares with wonder at her ankles. Such beautiful ankles, so sweet and lovely and smooth. He hopes that when she chooses to destroy him, her ankles will be there too.

He shakes his head. He must be getting delirious from the stress.

Then the moment of independence comes. He cringes against the underside of the mattress as the cool, clear voice of death reaches his ears.

"Well, well, well. James Potter." James waits for a moment before realising he is expected to answer.

"Uh, yes?" He reddens and cringes again at how weak and terrified his voice sounds.

"I _was_ surprised to find you here, _under_ my bed."

James frowns. She seems to have the emphasis in all the wrong places. Is she toying with him? Just prolonging the torture? James has no clue and, strangely, the idea doesn't seem to bother him too bad. If torture is what it takes to have her talk to him a while then torture will have prime place on his Christmas list next year.

"W- were you?" he mutters.

"Oh yes." Her voice is calm, rational, calculating. This scares James more than if she is shouting and cursing him.

"You see," She continues serenely, moving to sit on her bed just above James- the mattress sinks slightly, cutting off his oxygen supply- and crossing her ankles, "When a girl goes to bed with a boy she _generally_ expects to wake up with him too."

What?What!WHAT!?

James can not believe what he is hearing. Is she serious? Is she joking? Or lying? Are there video cameras watching him at this moment? (he glances around quickly but spots none, he supposes they weren't banking on him being under a bed) Is she going to get up so he can breath?

"L-Lily" He rasps.

"What?" her tone is sharp but surprisingly vulnerable.

"Could you, please, get up so I can breath again? Please?"

"Oh goodness!" she exclaims, jumping to her feet. "I'm so sorry, I forgot!"

"S'ok." James pants heavily, still unable to take in the situation. Once he is able to breath freely once more, Lily asks timidly:

"James?"

"Huh?"

"Do- do you want to get out from under there?"

Hmmm. He considers this carefully. Does he? Does he want to make himself an easy target for any wrath that's yet to come? Does he want to stand there while she ridicules him for ever believing she might be telling the truth.

"Well?" Her voice is uncertain again and he realises he hasn't answered her question.

"Uh, sure."

In a very dignified manner, he wriggles out from under the bed on his belly. He jumps to his feet and turns to face lily who is sitting on her bed once more.

He is suddenly very aware that he is topless.

Lily looks at him, but not in a way that makes his want to cover himself, in fear of an attack. More like, she's seeing him for the first time and wants to commit it to memory.

He studies her too. She doesn't look mad like he'd expected. More like…sad, tentative and doubtful. He wonders what made her feel that way.

"Hey!" He exclaims suddenly, startling them both, "You're wearing my clothes."

She blushed slightly and crosses her hand over her chest defensively.

"Well…yes. Mine were otherwise unavailable."

Her eyes slide further down his body than he feels comfortable with, and he blushes furiously.

"Oh hell." He mumbles, agonisingly, "I didn't- I mean, I wasn't paying any- …I was panicking." He confesses, blushing even more.

"Apparently so." She agrees, appraising him again. James puts his hands just below his stomach in an attempt at nonchalance and she grins at him saucily. It seems she has as little problem with him in her clothes as he has with her in his. Actually…he studies her again. It kind of turns him on.

"Uh, Lily?" James hates to ruin the moment- tender as it is- but he really needs to ask.

"Yes?"

"Am I…" He grimaces, feeling like a prise fool, "Am I…being filmed?"

This seems to be nothing like what Lily is expecting. Her eyebrows pull together and she looks at him in confusion.

"being…_filmed_?" She repeats, "uh, oh!" He gaze clears as she understands what he is asking.

There is a moment of silence before Lily bursts into peals of hysterical laughter.

"Are you…..being filmed……_filmed_……you thought……..hahahaahahahahaha" She gasps, in between giggles.

James frowns. He was totally serious. But apparently he was not, so that's one worry off his mind.

Lily carries on for another minute or so until finally, tears trickling down her face, she rolls to a stop, gulping big lungfulls of breath.

"Finished?"

"I'm sorry." She wipes her eyes. "But honestly, the thought that you might be-"

"yes, yes, alright." James snaps. He feels there has been quite enough humour at his expense for one day.

"Lily." He fixes her with a serious stare. She looks right back into his eyes, face solemn.

"James."

"Tell me, please, so I can spare us any more confusion, _why _aren't you angry with me?"

Lily bites her lip. James can see she was hoping this question wouldn't show up.

She sighs and stands up, pacing round him as he takes her seat on the bed. She pulls at her fingers nervously as she spoke.

"I- I don't know entirely. I mean, I am sure you are aware that you have been far from my favourite person and not without due reason- I'll not get into that now, and that I have never felt any need in refraining from expressing my dislike for you…but I don't know really, recently, I suppose the last few days you've seemed, I don't know, _sweeter_? Perhaps. Anyhow, you were definitely not as terrible as before, who knows why. So when I met you in the shop, do you remember? It was a few days ago now, I was half inclined to invite you to my party there and then, you were so sweet. But you see, the problem now is that I- and you- have built up a…_persona_, I suppose you could say. People expect me to dislike you and they expect you to make a fool of yourself to impress me. So you see, when I felt genuinely warm towards you it scared me more than I could admit to myself at the time. However I put it behind he and thought it was just due to excitement about my birthday, etcetera. Anyway then you broke all the rules, _and_ my careful façade by gate crashing my party. Boy, was I furious with you then! But also, a tiny part of me was relieved- glad even. You see, if you had done nothing, made no half baked effort _at all_ I would have felt let down, discarded, not even worth the attentions of _James Potter_! I couldn't allow that. So I can not even begin to express the feeling that overcame me when you appeared out from behind the curtain. It was just so…._James_. It was only later that I began to wonder that this feeling was not relief that my reputation was still intact- like I had supposed, but something more _personal_, more exactly related to you. But I fought this idea down once more. How ridiculous that I, after holding you off for so long could possible be feeling attracted to you! It was inconceivable. And well, you know it pretty much from there. I drank far too much and went a bit crazy- its not often I let my guard down. You may be wondering why I came specifically to seek you out- oh you didn't know that? Well, yes, that _was_ my purpose. I needed reassurance that I was still the best in _someone's_ eyes at least. And then I saw you hunched over in the corner, alone and miserable and I just felt for you! How you had come all that way- no matter what other intentions you may have had in mind- just to give me a present (which is wonderful by the way, if I did not thank you before) and were there miserable. Well! I wasn't having anyone miserable at MY party. So I went over to you and…well, you know. When I woke up this morning I felt so terrible. But not like I regretted it, which is how I would have assumed I would feel, but like I was…mournful that you may have felt that I was acting… "under the influence" as they say. And for a reason I still wasn't ready to acknowledge, this bothered me. And then when I was fully alert I discovered that you were not, as I had assumed, beside me sleeping away, but somewhere I didn't know quite possible bragging over your conquest. I know, I shouldn't have thought like this. It was wrong and belittling towards you but you must understand how I was feeling. I barely knew you anyway! And I had only just that night become legal- you have no idea the turmoil I felt. It took me all the way until I was standing in front of you as you hid under my bed that I could even begin to acknowledge why I was feeling such remorse. And then- when I did realise I just knew that I had to tell you, to let you know- no matter what course of action you will take. Though I hope and, yes, assume that you will take the one expected by not only you but everyone else in Gryffendor practically. So, James, I've said it. You know my side. I hate to admit it but I love you very much and quite possibly for a very long time and I do hope that you love me too."

James gapes at Lily as she finishes her speech in one breath and comes to halt in front of him. Lily loves him? Lily doesn't even _like_ him! He stares at her open mouthed in disbelief at her declaration. It is only when her face begins to show hurt once more that he jumps to his feet.

"Lily." He says, his voice hoarse, he steps forward and places his hands on her shoulders. She looks up at him, her big green eyes glittering like gems.

"Lily, I have loved you every day since third year. And if you'll let me, I plan to love you for ever else as well."

And carefully, slowly, he bends his face down to meet hers.

**Ha! Now I'm finished! What do you think? Funny? Sweet? Utter crap? Whatever you want I'd like to hear it. And if you like this check out my other Lily and James story- "Welcome Sirius" thanks so much all you guys for making me carry this on- you were all really supportive! Thanks so much- I'm glad you did. And I hope I finished this in a way you like. Thanks so much! **

**Zellahxx**


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